Parasol

Lotus

Therapy

I have a difficult time saying, No.

There is a part of me that wants to help and sympathize and be the friend to her that I would want her to be to me. Except she is not that friend. I feel as though I am giving, giving, giving and she is gladly taking, taking, taking but there is no reciprocation. While it is true that relationships should not be based on keeping tabs of what I have done for her and what she hasn't done for me I am beginning to realize that it is not in my best interest to invest so wholeheartedly in this sour association. Relationships are two way streets and for the longest time I've been getting lost on the same single lane round-about. I can't say this without a huge part of me feeling like a complete asshole while a tiny part insists it is essential. Is self-preservation such a narcissistic character flaw?

I don't know how or when that line got so blurred.

There is no trust in this relationship, only anxiety, hurt, and resentment. It's as if I were swimming in a sea surrounded by open air and opportunity but there is a weaker, more vulnerable swimmer that has been beside me my entire life. Holding me back. She insists she cannot swim without me, that she will sink like a stone if I leave her, and in complete desperation she has stopped swimming and grabbed me, forcing me down, struggling to keep her own head above water.

What she doesn't realize is I AM DROWNING.

Never has it been more clear to me what I must do, just as you would amputate an infected limb, I must end this relationship. I must swim as fast, and as hard, as I can to get away from her. Only then will she see that if she just stops fighting she will float, that she has always had what she needed to survive and swim gracefully with the current. And in doing so we will both be free.

Free.

Galoshes

Poilu

Okay, people, I just discovered these freakishly long hairs. Two of them. On my right arm.

I was working at my desk, minding my own business, when I noticed a bit of movement out of the corner of my eye and thinking it was a stray hair that had inadvertently landed on me, I went to brush it away. Only this hair DIDN'T brush away. It stayed rooted to my arm resisting any form of removal. Heaven only knows where they came from, these wispy tendrils. I can't remember ever having these before and, believe me, it would have been difficult to NOT notice them considering they can be seen from space. So, I've been a little distracted by their presence; Counting down the minutes until I am in the safety of my bathroom and can detach them from my person.

Earth Day 2009

I took this picture in Millenium Park, you know the one with the giant silver bean. So instead of taking one of a billion photographs of my warped self in front of a warped skyline I decided to focus on the smaller details, which usually means I end up photographing flowers. Or architecture. I figure the real work has already been done for me the only thing I have to worry about is focus. These trees were everywhere, covered with these large fragrant blooms. I have no idea what they are called but if anyone can ever replicate this scent I will be first in line bathing myself in it.

Drift

My Moment

While Denver was getting slammed with a wicked Spring storm I was here. Standing on the edge of Lake Michigan, sun shining, breeze blowing, surrounded by family and loving every sweet minute of it.

UPDATE

Our short but sweet journey back East has come to an end and instead of posting all the pictures at once and overwhelming the devoted and numerous (HA!) readers of this blessed blog I am going to give them to you in small tasteful increments because that is how I roll. And I'm too jet lagged at the moment to be that ambitious.

See Figure 2A

During a serious conversation about the dynamics of a certain play element and its installation I inadvertently transposed the first letter of "Nuts and Bolts" which resulted in me saying, "Nolts and Butts".
Being cursed with the sense of humor of a four-year-old I found this undeniably hilarious and was unable to continue.

Celebrity Encounter

Last night I had the opportunity of seeing, meeting, and listening to Heather B. Armstrong author extraordinaire of dooce.com and let me just say it went infinitely better than my encounter with Bill Cosby. For one she didn't try and have me shake her hand somewhere in the region of her crotch. She was just as funny and glowing but also gracious and charmingly humble about her overwhelming success in the blogosphere and of course I was anything but eloquent when it was my turn to have my copy of "It Sucked and Then I Cried" signed. Instead I just slid the book across the table and said, "Hi. I'm Ruth" immediately followed by the intense desire to crawl into a hole somewhere because I was such a sad, unimaginative git. Things only got worse as I mentioned that I was named after my Grandmother as if this is the most riveting personal fact about myself. It's just that I never know what to say to a celebrity that they haven't heard a thousand times before and while I'm positive she appreciates every bit of support and praise I just felt if I said, "Gosh, I totally love your website" it would just get lost in sea of a voices saying the EXACT same thing. So, instead I tell her about my Grandma! Someone please punch me in the face.

I was so caught up in the excitement of it all that I only managed to take a picture of my book and several blurred and jittery images of Heather. My camera probably decided to underperform in protest to being in the same room with Jon's AMAZING and UTTERLY PROFESSIONAL photography equipment. It's enough to make you want to estimate. $10,000? $18,500?

I only slightly redeemed myself when I had Jon sign my book and was able to hold a civilized conversation with him about Denver and his obvious love and admiration for his spouse. I had no idea he had the World's longest and thinnest legs, like stilts. Overall the evening was wonderful and I met an amazing group of local bloggers whose experience far exceeds my own and best of all we had plenty to talk about. Thanks to dooce.

p.s. dooce, I totally love your website!

New Masthead